How God Made the Philippines

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven , God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He
inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through
the clouds, "Look, Michael.
Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it
Earth and it's going to be a ! great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, but
cold and harsh while pointing to different parts of earth. "For example,
Northern southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant."

"I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts."

"This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and
covered in ice."

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a group of Islands
and said, "What are those?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the Philippines , the most glorious place on earth.
There are beautiful beaches, rivers, mountains and forests. The people from
the Philippines are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous
and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely
sociable, hardworking and high achieving and they will be known throughout
the world as carriers of peace and love."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there would be balance." God replied wisely,

"Wait until you see the idiots that are elected as their leaders."

Kukunin ang Bituin

Boy: Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo!
Girl: Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa!
Boy: Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo!

Layas anak

Nanay: Hala, sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula
ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging
anak, naintindihan mo?
Anak: Sige dude, alis na ako.

Bakit "S"

Bakit "S" ang nasa costume ni Superman? Wala na kasing medium!
Napansin mo,fit masyado, di ba?

Mahirap Ilibing

Pedro: Saan ka galing, p're?
Berto: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Pedro: Bakit puro kalmot ang mukha at braso mo?
Berto: Mahirap ilibing eh, lumalaban!

Lizard on Table

A lizard fell on a table.
Genius: Oh! reptila scincidae;
Kikay: Eew, lizard!;
Astig: Shit, butiki!;
Mataray: Shucks, butiks!;
Mayaman: Yuck! Lacoste!;
Mahirap: Pare, ulam!

Ifugao Sundalo

Ifugao: Apply po ako ng sundalo, sir.
Officer: Hindi ka pwede, ang dami mong sirang ngipin, bungi ka pa!
Ifugao: Bakit sir, sa gyera ba ngayon, kagatan na ang labanan?